Kennedy: Artificial intelligence is coming for your job, Emily and Chad

I had my first known encounter with artificial intelligence last week.

Here’s what happened: I was shopping for a vehicle online. It’s what I do for fun. All five cars and trucks in my family’s fleet are at least 9 years old. We have one Ford truck that just turned 51 years old, the same age as Elon Musk. So I always have an excuse to look for something newer.

(READ MORE: Why we Americans love our pickup trucks)

I say this was my first “known encounter” with AI because I might have had more encounters that I am simply not aware of. But I’m 99% sure this one was an actual online conversation with AI, because the “intelligence” involved refused to answer my simple question: “Are you a human being?”

Presumably, most actual humans would think that was a silly question and mutter something like, “Yep, this is Chad in Chattanooga.”

Instead, my AI assistant changed the subject.

Anyway, I’m scrolling a local car dealership’s website looking for a particular vehicle, with a certain V6 engine, which I had been led to believe by a non-AI source (a.k.a. a YouTuber) would land in car stores this fall. Naturally, I wanted to know if “fall” meant September or December, or something in between. So I typed my question into the little pop-up window that’s ubiquitous on car dealer websites. It’s usually accompanied by a mug shot of a young woman named Emily or Hannah who is dutifully standing by in a headset to assist you.

But this time there was no head shot of a young woman, just the outline of a featureless white man inside a blue circle, the universal symbol for “men’s restroom.” Hmm. I realized this is what AI would think is a generic mug shot of himself.

The prompt said, “How can I assist you in your search for a new vehicle today?”

I typed in my first and last name, my question and the fact that I was a repeat customer at that particular store, hoping that would distinguish me from the other time wasters populating the site.

About one second after I made the last keystroke, my AI assistant hit me back with a multisentence response that read something like this:

“Hi, Mark. Thanks for asking about the six-cylinder (name of the vehicle). We are excited about the arrival of that model later this year. I have passed your request along, and someone from our team will contact you as soon as one arrives at the dealership.”

It felt like I was talking to the voice of Young Sheldon.

(READ MORE: Car-buying tips for teen drivers and their parents.)

“Nobody can type that fast,” I wrote back immediately. “Are you a human being or AI?”

“I am here to assist you with all your automotive needs,” Restroom Man reasserted, without answering my question.

That’s when it hit me: Somewhere there’s an Emily or Hannah out of a job because of Restroom Man. I realized this is what they’re talking about when they say AI will be coming for our careers.

Let me point out that the AI assistant gave me a perfectly polite, well-punctuated but essentially useless reply. A real-person answer would have been: “Thanks, let me check in the office and get back to you with a date on that V6. Can I email or text you?”

As it happens, a real person from the dealership did call me two days later, but by then my need for the info had passed. I let the call roll to voicemail. I may or may not ever follow up. The dealership’s chance to engage me had been lost — at least for the moment.

So, business leaders, when somebody sells you on the idea of trading human employees for AI screening devices, don’t be too quick to take the bait.

Restroom Man didn’t sell me a vehicle last week. And he probably never will.

The Family Life column runs on Sundays in Life. Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645.